Deciding Whether to Keep the Family Home in a Divorce: A Guide to Financial and Emotional Stability

Written by Robyn Walker, March 2025

1. Emotional Attachment vs. Practicality

• Emotional Connection: Many people want to keep the family home due to emotional attachment or stability for children. However, it’s important to separate emotions from practicality.

• Practicality: Consider whether the house fits your future needs. Is it too big? Too expensive to maintain?

2. Financial Impact

• Affordability: Can you afford the mortgage, property taxes, insurance, and maintenance on your own? Even if you receive spousal support, that might not be enough to cover all the costs long-term.

• Equity: How much equity is in the home, and how would that be divided in the divorce? Sometimes one spouse buys out the other, but this might affect your overall financial situation.

• Future Costs: Consider the cost of selling the house later, potential appreciation or depreciation in value, and how long you plan to live there.

3. Housing Market

• Current Market Conditions: In some cases, it might make more sense to sell the house and split the proceeds, especially if the market is favorable.

• Potential Growth or Decline: Think about the home’s future value. If the housing market is expected to grow, keeping the house could be beneficial.

4. Stability for Children if You Can't Stay in the Family Home

If you can’t stay in the family home during or after a divorce, here are some ideas to maintain stability for your children:

a) Stay in the Same School District

• School Stability: Try to find housing within the same school district so your children can remain in their current school, keeping their routines and friendships intact.

• Familiar Environment: Staying in the same neighborhood can provide a sense of continuity, allowing them to keep the same extracurricular activities, sports, and social circles.

b) Maintain Consistent Routines

• Daily Routines: Stick to the routines your children are used to, such as meal times, bedtimes, and homework schedules. Familiarity helps children feel secure.

• Visitation Schedules: Create a predictable and clear visitation or custody schedule with your ex-spouse so the children know when they will be with each parent. Use a shared calendar or app to avoid confusion.

c) Co-Parenting with Consistency

• Unified Rules and Expectations: Work with your ex-spouse to create consistent rules and expectations at both households. This helps children feel grounded and avoids confusion.

• Open Communication: Keep communication open with your co-parent, focusing on what’s best for the children. Present a united front, even if you are living separately.

d) Familiar Items in New Space

• Personalize Their Space: Whether you move to a new house or apartment, make sure your children have a space that feels like their own. Bring familiar furniture, bedding, toys, and decorations from the old home to make them comfortable.

• Involve Them in Decorating: Allow your children to help decorate their new room, making it a fun and positive experience. This gives them a sense of control during a period of change.

e) Close Proximity to Friends and Family

• Proximity to Support Network: Try to live near friends or family members who can provide emotional support and continuity for the children. Having familiar adults in their lives can help ease the transition.

• Encourage Friendships: Arrange regular playdates or hangouts with their current friends so they can maintain their social connections.

f) Emphasize Emotional Support

• Reassurance and Communication: Regularly talk to your children about the changes in a calm, reassuring way. Make sure they know both parents still love them and that they can talk about their feelings.

• Therapy or Counseling: Consider family or individual therapy to help children process the emotional aspects of the divorce, particularly if they’re struggling with the transition.

g) Keep Traditions Alive

• Family Traditions: Continue important family traditions, such as celebrating holidays in familiar ways, regular movie nights, or weekend outings. This helps the children feel that not everything is changing.

• Create New Traditions: Establish new, fun traditions in the new space that your children can look forward to. This can help them associate positive feelings with the transition.

h) Be Present and Available

• Quality Time: Spend extra one-on-one time with your children, whether it’s reading together, taking walks, or playing games. Your presence and attention can help them feel secure and loved during uncertain times.

• Active Listening: Encourage your children to express their feelings, worries, and questions. Listen without judgment and provide comfort as they navigate the changes.

i) Flexibility with Custody Arrangements

• Flexible Custody Plan: If possible, create a flexible custody plan that suits your children’s needs. For example, if living arrangements are tricky, consider having one parent stay over at the other’s home to ensure the children don’t have to move back and forth too much.

• Nesting Arrangements: In some cases, parents opt for a "nesting" arrangement where the children stay in the family home, and the parents rotate living in the home with them. This keeps the children in one stable environment, though it requires strong cooperation between parents.

j) Prepare for Change Gradually

• Gradual Transition: If you know a move is imminent, start preparing the children early. Visit the new house or neighborhood, show them their new school, and talk positively about the upcoming changes.

• Involvement in the Process: Involve your children in decisions, like choosing a new home, school, or community activities, so they feel like they have some control over their new circumstances.

Conclusion

Deciding whether to keep the family home in a divorce or find alternative housing can be a complex and emotionally charged decision, especially when children are involved. Balancing emotional, financial, and practical factors is crucial to making the best choice for you and your family’s future stability.

To ensure that your decision is both financially sound and aligned with your long-term goals, it’s wise to consult a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA). A CDFA can help you fully understand the financial implications of keeping or selling the home, evaluate your post-divorce budget, and provide insight into how property division, taxes, and future housing costs will affect your financial future. By working with a CDFA, alongside your attorney, you can make a well-informed decision that prioritizes both your financial security and the well-being of your children during this transition.